Buttons

Buttons fill the gap.

Buttons was the family nickname for Uncle Evander…for totally different reasons of course. You see, Uncle E was rare, even at “the house” (Lumbee slang for our homeland). He was what we call, a curly haired Lum. Even with the cutest intentions – being a Native American with curls, can quickly get twisted into constant skepticism over who you are. Some might bend themselves into knots to prove everyone wrong, but not Uncle Evander. Instead, he came up with a clever way to try to pass this uniqueness on. When my Mother was towards the end of her pregnancy, Uncle E touched her belly and said Lord, let this child come into the world with hair just like mine.

At first, it seemed like he was on his own. I was born with dark, stick straight hair, that looked as if it would never hold a curl. However, after just a few short weeks, my hair started to defy what seemed like my own genetics. My parents were so unsure over what to do with it at first, they put me in bonnets (some things you just can not make up).

For the remainder of his life, we didn’t see each other often, but we always had that special bond. I would call him buttons and he would tell me, be quiet, and remind me that I had “kind” hair too. Aside from the ongoing, running joke, we could always pick up where we left off. Never having children of his own, I knew I always had an extra set of eyes looking out for me…ultimately us.

When my family moved to Lexington and we were unsure where to live, we stayed with Uncle Evander until it all got sorted out, down the street of course. In the summers, when my parents were unsure of how to keep me busy, Uncle E would take me out to California in the “big truck”. When I needed to learn to drive, why start with a “4-wheeler” when we had a “big truck” in the yard with plenty of professional drivers in tow? When my Dad died, and we learned another brother had passed the following week, despite his own pain, Uncle Evander covered the funeral in every way…so that my heart wouldn’t have to. In general, if there was ever a need in our family…Uncle Evander filled the gap.

Most recently, my Mom’s TV stopped working. I knew she would never survive with football season around the corner. I don’t have to tell you who I called to deliver and setup. However, beyond the obvious, I knew when it was done because my Mom immediately called me. She could not believe how quickly the problem got solved. My Mom was mentally prepared to stress for weeks over something that Uncle Evander took care of in 30 minutes. It wasn’t just what he did for people, it was the way that he did it. No fuss, no questions asked; consider it done.

When the phone rang Tuesday AM at 12:35, I felt bad that it took me a minute to wake up and answer his call. Sadly however, it wasn’t him. Instead it was a long standing friend letting me know that my Uncle had passed and that he was calling because he knows, he would want me to know. No matter how completely engraved in that moment I longed to stay, I knew Uncle E would never support such a thought. I quickly flashed back to our conversation the week prior: “stay strong”. When I replied that I will, he replied, that’s all I needed to know, and hung up the phone.

Man o woman have I grappled with that phrase for the past few weeks. Staying strong with no shield plus my own battle to fight, in a mixed up world, sounded like an impossible feat. However, if you’ve experienced spirituality, you know that life on the other side of the grave is the ultimate goal – not the end, but the genesis of all that life has to offer. It may seem like a secret, but there’s nothing secret about it. After so much loss, I’ve learned those who love you, will waste no time reminding you that despite your tears, they are free at last.

In the days since my uncle’s passing, I’ve had a laundry list of reminders:

  • Buttons took on a whole new meaning…buttons fill the gap…just like family…and since buttons are everywhere…anytime you see one…think of me
  • The radio station (I never listen to) played 3 consecutive songs on our morning commute I’m certain he wanted me to hear…Firm Foundation…Good Shepard…Heaven Changes Everything
  • I received a clean bill of health…no restrictions…just a note to take 2 days off from work (no problem :))
  • A friend sent the following prayer and scripture of the day from her phone (and if you are a numbers nerd like me, you will notice 4:4 adds up to 8, representing eternity):
    • Prayer of the Day
      • Heavenly Father, Today, I rejoice in Your eternal love and faithfulness. Even when circumstances are less than perfect, Your presences fills me with a joy that transcends all understanding. Help me to carry this joy in my heart, radiating it to others, so that they too may come to know the everlasting happiness found only in You. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.
    • Quote of the Day
      • “Joy is the serious business of Heaven.” — C.S. Lewis
      • “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!”
      • You might be asking, “How can I rejoice ‘always’ when life throws so many challenges my way?” The Apostle Paul’s call to rejoice was penned from a prison cell, a place one wouldn’t typically associate with joy. Yet, his joy wasn’t based on circumstances but rooted in the unchanging nature of God. This divine joy isn’t just for good days; it’s especially vital on difficult ones. It comes from a deep-rooted faith that God is always good, always present, and always in control. Let this eternal joy fill you today, regardless of what life’s unpredictable tides bring your way
  • While waiting for my car to get serviced…there was just one other gentleman waiting…reading his Bible…friendly reminder
  • On my way to pick up my son for the funeral…my arrival time was 9:11…which will always be a special day for us in a good way (my grandfather’s birthday)
  • After picking up my son we passed a Love’s fuel truck…I didn’t know there was such a thing…we use to always stops at Love’s when Uncle E took me out to California
  • During Sunday service…our pastor said…in due season you will reap if you don’t faint

Talk about hitting home; I’ve literally and physically felt like fainting since the day I got the news that Uncle Evander’s days were limited. But as you can see, I’ve also been taking ALL the notes since that day too. I’m going to need them in order to dig deep enough to carry on, but thank God I serve the Lord of the will and the way!

Rest easy Uncle E; your battle has been won!